HOW I BURNT MY HOUSE

PART 1 : DAMSEL IN DARKNES :

Many a years ago, I built my House with a Damsel fair, illuminating it with Lights and Lamps everywhere.

One day many a full-moon ago, while I was playing around, with no seriousness, I knocked a Lamp at a corner of my house. It fell, and got some cracks and dents. I tried to fix it to my best, but my dismayed Damsel can only do is stare at the dents and the cracks of the broken Lamp. And thus she refused to light it.And she got absorbed in the darkness of that dark corner.

So for many a day, in that dark corner of my House, the Damsel of my House dwells. And in that Darkness, all sorts of beasts and monsters started creeping out of her mind, to her world of darkness - those gnawing, carnal, ruthless, cannibal and hideous beasts dancing around her. Making her a Distressed Damsel in Darkness.

Any attempt to show her the positive bright world bore no fruit. And every imperfection, got magnified in my Damsels mind. Thus, I got afraid to show my truest self to her, lest she see only the imperfections magnified in my self and soul.

PART 2 : THE BLINDING LIGHT

And for my Damsel in the Dark, my imperfections - real or imagined - got amplified.

And as I  walked down a path  I met a Glow that lighted the very inner core of my soul. And thus in that Glow i found warmth. It changed me - the Glow's warmth and shine making my soul stronger and merrier, but I decided not to get entangled with the Glow, lest my Damsel may get lonely and  all alone with only the monsters in her head.

My Damsel in the Dark sensed changes in me, and being in dark accompanied by beasts in her head, she imagined the worst. She imagined I have immersed myself in the Glow, I have got intoxicated by drinking from a Fountain of Pleasure, and I may leave the house for another Damsel. And the beasts and monsters in her head crawled from there to space between me and her, dancing and mocking. She started to get visions of me in every act of badness, so much so that she got agitated and want to leave me.

So I decided, it must not be darkness that shall destroy us. Darkness must perish.

Thus, I took a leap of faith.

I lighted a candle to drive away the darkness around my Damsel, knowing very well that same light will reveal whatever imperfectness within myself. But, light is the only true way forward, and darkness shall perish. I believed the Light will remove any doubts of me my Damsel has had, as she comes out the darkness around her and away from the monsters in her head.

So I lighted the Candle.But her eyes are so accustomed to being in the dark, the Light momentary blinded my Damsel and made her mad. And the beasts around her played havoc. She only saw was the imperfect self of me, and in the rage twisted and spinned the candle and its Light, thus making it fall and catch fire on my house. Thus this is how my house got burnt.

And now I arise like Phoenix from the Ashes, strong and silent. And my Damsel, I am not sure the fire changed her for good or bad. In her is imprinted, the imperfectness of me and still the beasts and monsters hide in a dark corner of her mind. Yet, she is getting accustomed to the light... and we shall see what the days yet to come will bring forth. We shall see whether we can build the house that got burnt.

And though i never may see the Glow i met down the path, the warmth of her will be in my heart. And my Damsel knows it, for now we are in the Light.

PASSION OF DARLING

This is a Dhivehi poem by late Uz. Mohamed Jameel Didi, having almost exact same sentiments as mine. Hence, I couldn't help but share it in here.

Meaning :

PASSION OF LOVER

It is not a sin to seek the feel the passion of (my) beloved lover.

And to get consumed in her - whatever/wherever she is- and get sacrificed for her

(Yet) Is it a deed never to be forgiven, never ever?

To go on that path (towards her) - even virtuously and righteously

Is it a road where I can’t never escape of accusations?

A road that shows a even glimpse of just a shadow of my Sweetheart

It is an Eid (festivity) that brings joy and bountiful pleasure for the heart

The moment I see the beautiful gorgeous features of face (of my lover)

Though, I can’t keep my dignity with my goodwill and feelings to you like this

To wander and find news of you, my lover – that is what I yearn .

As moments pass, to go surely to be wherever I can see you

And to see you very close and intimate is, Yes! All that I crave

If things happens in ways the heart wishes and desires

To belong to my Darling with good intent is all I desire

But the truth! As the things seems right now

At last to say goodbye to my Love, seems the best at stake

This fickle world is a place with togetherness and depart

The pure, wholesome .... bond of our souls is forever and eternal 

(So) To be amongst martyrs of pure and true love

(And) To be with my Darling sweetheart is what I utmost desire.

SEEKER OF SORROW

Seeker of Sorrow, life is not despair and gloom
Stop to seek sorrow, then sweet flower shall bloom,
Happiness from the four horizons, yes! It shall loom,
But only if you let go of your mindset of damn and doom.

Seeker of Sorrow, how can the Sun brighten your days,
If you feel only its scorching heat and think of its melting core,
You forget to appreciate Sun's light and its lovesome rays,
So much so that in a gloomy dark you engulf forever and more.

Seeker of Sorrow,how can you find joy in moonlight
When it reflects silvery light for us in cloudy dark nights,
If in your mind is imperfections and darkside of the moon,
So much so that you comfort flees you even in moonlit nights

Seeker of Sorrow, how can you happily quench your thirst
If you chose to remember of a torrent flood that had killed,
Yet chose to forget, it's the same rain and water that gives life,
So much so that, yo despise Rain and Water- the essence of life.

Seeker of Sorrow, Yes! I am that Sun, Moon and Rain,
Like the moon, I do have a darkside, so does every one
Like Sun I have an inner melting core of desire and passion,
Like Rain, I do some times may come in torrents and floods

Seeker of Sorrow, why you are digging pits of the past,
And Stalk on there to imagine a sorrowful scene to cry,
Just let them be buried, as we together find joy moving on,
If you don't let go, you are seeking Sorrow and harvesting it.

Seeker of Sorrow, don't be a Harvester of Sorrow,
Come out of your fears, for there is a bright morrow,
Look at the Sun, Moon and the Rain and smile,
And let no demons of fear lurk again, even for a while.

Silence tells a Story

You my Dear, may mistake my silence as neglecting you, dismissing you from my mind and completely forgetting you. Yet it is this Silence that waters the seeds of Feelings buried herein, it is this Silence that nourishes the dreams aspired and it is this Silence that shall blossom flowers of sweet fragrance. For this Silence is fertile with Hope.

Now You my Dear, may hold me contempt, accusing me for being the architect of my own silence - this Silence, thereby ending our much enjoyed "non-silent" times. You are right... but to an extent. I lighted a candle to keep everyone in Light, but that burnt my whole house. Its not naivety and foolishness. But a brave act of courage, expecting what the consequences maybe. And I have Hope things will work for best, for I have Faith. [I shall explain why I lighted the candle in a later post]

And You my Dear, may say I was pretending to be something I am not, my actions didn't meet somethings I have said (when i am not mute to you),  and empty promises were made. Yet I say, I am me then and now, not changed and never had I pretended to be something I am not. And point to me a promise I have made, and I will explain to you that it is still not broken.

And You my Dear, may say You are no dear to me, cause you have no feel for me. Yet, how can you not be dear when even in this Silence my mind never cease to think of you  and when there is a sweetness in every tear dropped while thinking of you.

So you My Dear, you will say, just let go.. But I already have. But in letting go also i have Hope - one day we will be together. That one day may well be in Heaven!

Our paths have crossed once in the bottom, it has crisscrossed midway, and it may cross again to join us at the top. Like the figure 8, you are the S and I am the mirror image , brought together by Hand of Fate!

Thinking

Thoughts of you linger in me,
And there is a firm belief as i see,
That this is not an end,
This is just a seperation, a trial,
And you will one day be with me.

Thoughts, expressions and memoirs of a Silent Soul

This blog  is memoirs, thoughts and expressions of a silent soul with a silent dream. It contains that souls rantings, outlook on life and things that inspires or touches this 'silent soul'.